


marry me

by ImpureElegance (Nerdy_Girl)



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Genre: F/M, also you're free to interpret this as one sided zelink, except impa isn't really impa, i was a bit ambiguous when writing this, this was honestly taking the piss out of fanon tp zelda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 19:23:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18976819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdy_Girl/pseuds/ImpureElegance
Summary: marriage should be between two people who love each other, not some political circus.sometimes a princess just doesn't have a choice in the matter.





	marry me

“No,” Zelda said, her tone unnecessarily flat and dry, more so than usual. She’d just been given the honor of having the king of a smaller neighboring kingdom propose to her in all his glory; rotten teeth, bad breath, and disproportionate arrogance bared for all in the conference meeting to see.

The king was taken back by her answer. “What? But I have so much to offer! My kingdom, while small, is still very wealthy with an abundance of resources-”

“Hyrule by itself has a vast amount of resources and wealth, and overall has no need for yours,” Link, the head of the knights and Hyrule’s hero, interjected. He as well as everyone else present in the room knew it was not his place to say such a thing to someone in a position of power like that. He often added his input in political affairs, but he got a pass being the hero. Deep down, however, everyone knew he was fucking the princess, so he got special privileges such as this. 

“Bah! If anything, I’ll offer a more _appropriate_ relationship for the public eye,” The king said, sneering at Link.

Suddenly all eyes were on Link and Zelda, who were side by side. Gasps traveled through the room.

Zelda’s eye twitched. “While Link and I have nothing going on between us, even if we did, it is none of your concern,” she spoke through gritted teeth. Rising out of her seat, she said “This meeting is done and over with. We will resume tomorrow at the same time,”

As the Royal Court started to file out of the room Zelda collapsed back into her seat, hand shooting up to her temple. “Impo, please have a super strong tea waiting for me in my chambers when I arrive there. Make that two, actually.”

“As you wish, your highness. Would you like for me to send the bottle of _medicine_ your way? You seem stressed.”

“That is not necessary today, dear.”

Impo, a tall woman with vibrant silver hair and piercing red eyes, bowed before hurrying off to fulfil Zelda’s wishes.

The princess looked up at Link. “I’d like to speak to you in private.”

By then the conference room had completely emptied, save for Zelda, Link, and the King of Hyrule. The King waltzed over to his daughter. “What the _hell_ is your problem, Zelda?!”

She sighed. “Father, I do not wish to marry that man. He lacks the proper hygiene to even think about bedding me, and I believe he lacks intelligence and competence more than anything,” Zelda said, folding her arms over her chest.

“Oh, what insolence! You would think that the bearer of Wisdom, the one blessed by Nayru herself-”

“-would be more reverent,” Zelda finished as she pulled out a flask from beneath her seat. She took a swig of the alcohol and laughed. “My, how forgetful you are, father! You forgot to mention how I’m related to the mortal version of the goddess Hylia in your routine spiel this time.”

Link stood there as he watched the two argue, moving his head from his way to hers, as if he were watching a tennis match.

“Humph! More like the mortal version of- what the hell is that?”

“Water.”

“Are you bluffing?”

“Why, yes, I am!” Another gulp of the liquid down her throat.

“Ugh, you are just like your mother,” The King of Hyrule spat with a shake of his head.

“Mmm, I’m sure mother would be proud.”

“Perhaps. She was a royal demon sanctified by the golden goddess just as you are. But back to the subject at hand. You must marry that king!”

She rolled her eyes. “And why should I?”

“Why, to expand Hyrule of course!”

“Father, do you even know the name of this kingdom he has?”

Her dad paused. “It’s… the kingdom of hmmmfrmpft- but my knowledge does not matter. Do _you_ know it?”

“Gremid.”

“It… it is?”

Zelda laughed. “What a hypocrite you are!”

“You even said it yourself that you think he is unintelligent. It would be easy to manipulate him.”

“While that is true, aren’t you the one who told me to rule in a just and honest way?”

“Yes, but I also told you to stay away from alcohol.”

A chuckle emitted from Link that made the squabbling duo remember his presence.

“Link, I recall wanting a word with you. Let’s go somewhere private. Father, this conversation will continue tomorrow,” Zelda said as she got up and led Link out of the room, leaving a sputtering King behind.

****

Link and Zelda were currently in her room discussing the events of the day. They often had these discussions while in the middle of sex. It made Zelda’s temper much lighter and granted them the ability to discuss heavy topics without hard feelings.

“I don’t know why he would even want me to marry that fool. He’s smelly and ugly.”

Link stopped his thrusts for a second to shrug. “Maybe your father is pushing this marriage to test your limits,” he said, picking his pace back up.

 Zelda shook her head. “I think he’s doing it because he doesn’t like our relationship,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Huh? I thought your father liked me.”

“He _does_. He just doesn’t like the fact that we have sex out of wedlock. And he’s too shallow and dependent on other people’s opinions to even consider us getting married. And he calls _me_ shallow. Ha! At least I’m not a bastard who- ahhhh, Liiiiiink,” She moaned mid-sentence. The hero had randomly began thrusting quickly and she wasn’t prepared for the sensations.

“I think you need to forget about today, princess.”

****

The next day the Hyrulean Royal Court sat before the King of Gremid as he continued his bargaining from the previous day.

“As I said before, you should marry me since you won’t be marrying that sex toy of yours anytime too soon!”

An aggravated sigh swept throughout the room alongside Zelda’s. He’d been throwing low blows at Link all morning after yesterday’s interjection. “For the absolute last time, Link and I have no relationship past him overseeing my army, and I being right above his position. Refrain from insinuating that there’s any more to our relationship from here on forward,” She said through gritted teeth.

“Well, if you don’t marry me I’ll… I’ll start a war!”

Everyone in the room sat up straight. “What?!” They said in unison.

“That’s right, and I’m not afraid to do it,” The childish king said smugly.

Link was about to interject again when Zelda stopped him. “Still your tongue, Link,” She said, then turned her attention to the king. “Your army is nowhere near the size of mine. The winner has already been decided. Wage a war on Hyrule if you must to soothe the wounds on your inflated ego.”

The king laughed. “Oh, please princess! Everyone in their right mind knows that your army is full of cowards. They’ll run away the minute they spot my army marching towards them,” He smirked. “So, last chance. Will you marry me?”

Zelda narrowed her eyes. “The answer is n-”

“Yes! She’ll do it!”

“WHAT?!” Zelda turned towards her father. “You expect me to marry this man child because he threatened to start a war?”

“The pros to this unification outweigh the cons, Zelda!”

She glared at her father, then looked at the smirking king in front of her. “Fine,” she said with a curt nod. “Meeting over.”

As the room emptied, Impo rushed to the princess’ side. “Your Highness, would you like another one of your super strong teas to be waiting for you in your chambers when you get there?”

“Yes, and please leave the ‘medicine’ bottle on the tray with the cups.”

“As you wish,” Impo said, bowing and hurrying off.

****

“I can’t _believe_ that bastard is forcing me to marry that disgusting, putrid, sorry excuse for a human being!”

Zelda was currently in her room with Link, pacing back and forth in front of the shirtless rancher. She lifted the bottle of liquor to her lips and drank. “I will never forgive him for making me marry that man! I’d rather marry Zant than that despicable fool!”

Link gave her a sympathetic look and begin to redress himself as he made his way to her bed to sit.

She stopped ranting and pacing to give him a questionable look. “Hey, why are you getting dressed again?”

“I figured since you haven’t undressed yet that maybe you’d like to just talk this time. I don’t mind it if you need to,” Link said with a small smile.

“Oh, no. I need to be fucked. Badly.”

That night Zelda’s moans could be heard all throughout the castle.

****

It was the night of the wedding ceremony between the princess and the King of Gremid. Zelda was talking to Impo as she helped her put on her wedding gown, a deep frown in her delicate features.

“Zelda, I know you’re not happy about this, but please try and fake it for tonight. You’re supposed to be happy and smiling on your big night.”

“I do not consider this a marriage. A marriage is supposed to be between two people who love each other, not some political agenda to expand a kingdom.”

Impo hummed as she brushed her hair. “So, would you marry Link if you could?”

Zelda was silent before speaking up again, her tone softer. “I… do not wish to answer that at this time.”

Understandingly, Impo nodded. “I understand, Zelda. I won’t press the issue any further.” Silently, she finished brushing the princess’ hair and cupped her face from behind. “You look beautiful tonight, Your Highness.”

The brunette stared at her reflection; she was beautiful, dressed in the finest cloths, her dress bedazzled with shimmering gemstones. Everything was bright; her dress a fine gray with a lilac accent and matching wrap, the stones reflecting the light wonderfully. However, her face was ashen, giving her feelings away.

The wedding proceeded like any other royal one: with a large audience, music, food, dancing, and an unhappy princess. Afterwards when the lucky groom wished to consummate the marriage, Zelda lied and said she didn’t feel well.

She sat in her room alone, still dressed in her wedding gown when she heard her window opening. Looking over, she saw the Hero of Twilight swinging his foot over the sill, a dazzling smile on his face, which brought one of her own on her face. “Link! I knew you’d arrive here.”

Walking up to her with his signature soft smile, he kneeled before her. “You look beautiful, Zelda. Are you okay? I heard you weren’t feeling well, so I came to see if you were fine.”

For the first time that night, she smiled a genuine smile. “I lied. I wanted to be as far away from that bastard as possible.”

The hero got up and hugged her tight. “Watching you exchange vows with him was a bit hard, you know.”

Zelda said nothing, instead wrapping her arms around Link’s neck and giving him a gentle kiss on the lips.

That night, Link’s name fell from her lips repeatedly, loud enough so that her father and husband could hear.

***

From their wedding night on forward, the king tried and tried to consummate the marriage, each time getting a lame response so that they wouldn’t have sex. He accused her many times of sleeping with Link still, but she denied all accusations.

“When do you think he’ll put two and two together,” Link asked as he held on to Zelda’s hips as they moved over his body. “You refuse to hold your moans back anymore.”

“Perhaps never. We’ve received many noise complaints from father, yet he fails to realize we’re fucking. I tell him I’m shouting your name from the window and he believes it every time!”

Link grabbed her waist and flipped her on the side, his thrusts relentless. “Good. Let him be ignorant.”

****

The following morning, he sought her out at breakfast, bags under his eyes from having been kept up all night by the loud chorus of Link’s name.

“Zelda, please… We need to con—”

“Okay.”

His face lit up, every yellowed tooth on full display. “Really?”

She nodded. “I’m in the mood today. After dinner we shall engage each other.”

The king and princess were cold and calculated. She held out for as long as possible until the merging of the two kingdoms was finalized. With the king’s permission, a poison was slipped in his food and drink during breakfast.

“I do apologize for not finalizing our marriage sooner, my dear. Between anxiety and sickness and other royal affairs, I’ve just been so busy and tired. I wanted to make things fun for the both of us.”

“Ha, ha! Everything happens for a reason, my beautiful princess,” he said, his mouth full of the laced food. “I wouldn’t want to bed a dead fish anyway, so I’m glad you thought about me throughout this!”

Zelda’s eye twitched, and she lifted her drink. “A toast, to us. May we both never run into each other in Hell.”

The other was too busy being excited about finally getting the chance to have sex with her to truly hear what was said. In one gulp he downed his laced drink. “Mm, it tastes very bitter. Oi! Gimme a new drink, this was… was… er.” The king fell onto the floor, making a gurgling, choking noise.

Zelda continued to eat her breakfast to the tune of dying in the background, not once flinching. By the time she finished the king was dead, his eyes rolled to the back of his head, lying in a pool of his own saliva.

“Impo, would you come here, please?”

She arrived from the shadows, possibly having been there the whole time overseeing the murder. “Yes, Your Highness?”

“Please, get rid of the evidence for father and I. And alert him that the deed was successful.”

“As you wish, Princess. Would you like one of your super strong teas to be waiting for you in your study?”

“Yes, you know me so well.”

The king’s death was announced in the Hyrulian newspaper, under the commoner’s section. The obituary was short and brief, stating that he died of a heart attack and fell into the fireplace in his room. No one mourned his passing, as he was hated by the few subjects in his kingdom, the citizens in Hyrule, and the entirety of Hyrule Castle.

**Author's Note:**

> title and inspiration from marry me by emilie autumn


End file.
